Settling...

Conversation about the future:

Person 1: "I hate doing the same thing every day, and nothing exciting to look forward to, I don't want that"

Person 2: "But that's what the real world is, you wake up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, maybe watch tv, and do it all again"

Person 1: "But what if I want more than that?"

Person 2: "That's just the way life is in this country. You have vacation days to look forward to"

Person 1: "So 10 days are fun while 354 are horrible... If that's the way it is I would rather move to France or Germany where they have 24 days of vacation a year!"

So starts my quest for happiness in everyday life. If the above is the fate I am destined to be an active part of society, I might as well find a way to make it some what bearable... or even better... Exhilarating and Vivacious! My new goal each day is not to "make it" through, but to find at least one thing to share with someone, smile about, and remember. I want to live. My NEW new years resolution.

Moving on and growing up...

Welcome back to blog-life. It has been a long time and a lot has changed since I returned home in June.

For some reason I had this idea that growing/changing as a person, and becoming more open-minded could only be achieved abroad. Now don't get me wrong, it's definitely a lot easier to see the changes and differences when you are hit in the face with it, but its definitely not the only way. And for this, I have decided to start writing again.

I have so many ideas, hopes, dreams, goals... and I know that if I don't share them with someone or if I don't write them down (even if no one reads this) that they will never be realized and will remain just that... ideas. Dreams. Hopes. I have discovered that my greatest fear is not living life to the fullest, not finding my passion, not finding a purpose, not discovering what else is outside my Midwestern bubble, and not challenging myself to see things the way other people see them. I am always told to find a passion, find something you can live, breath, eat, and sleep... but where is mine?

I had thought it was traveling and the thrill of discovery while challenging myself outside of my comfort zone. However, while I was abroad and traveling alone it no longer was... but rather quite lonely. So instead I can conclude that it is the people, helping and experiencing with others the joys and wonders of traveling and the discovery that goes with it. This led me to the idea to seek information about study abroad counseling on campus. Long story short: I didn't get the job.

So, I am focusing on my studies and my internship with a technology company this semester hoping to find a new passion there. In the mean-time I will try to figure out this thing we call "life" and bide my time until my next travels...

Back in New Berlin

Hey everyone! I am finally home in New Berlin, WI... woohoo! It's not as exciting as it sounds! I find that the only times I get moody and frustrated are when I am bored, or I don't have anything productive to do (because literally none of my friends are home for the summer this year so I depend on my family for entertainment).

I freaked out on my dad yesterday because I felt isolated, and for some reason I thought that having my texting back would fix that... it didn't. Instead it just made me more angry when ppl didnt text me back! GRRRR.

So instead I decided to go get a gym membership to start working on a little problem I like to call, "Being flabby." After spending 2 hours at the gym I definitely felt a lot better. Though, I am not sure that it will solve my problem forever... I mean honestly, can I spend the whole day at the gym?

So today I am outside working in the yard in 90 degree weather picking weeds and re-doing the s. side planter of the house... hoping to get paid for my labors. Later tonight there is a Brewers game that I am kind of excited for, but mainly I just miss human interaction with my peers. WHERE IS EVERYONE?!

Just what I needed

Traveling with Jason and Lynn for so long has definitely helped me re-center myself! I am back in Madrid and on my own again and I am loving it!.I not only feel a lot more confident, and out-going again, but I am loving being back in a country where I can speak the language! Who ever would have thought that I would grow to feel so comfortable with Spanish?! Long story short, loving life right now.

Plan for next couple of days:
-See as much of my boy friend as I can before I come home.
-Work out every day so I won´t hate myself as much when Jason and I start trainng together.
-Go to Toledo with Hamid on Tuesday to collect my stuff.
-Fly home on Wednesday!!
-Drive to MN on Thursday to help gparents move and to see all of my friends!
-Get back into the real world (aka get a job!)

Love and miss you all! Thanks for all of the support over the last 6 months! Some if its been hard and you guys have really helped! Tons of LOVE!

Where?

I miss feeling like I belong somewhere.

So I've finally pegged it down. Its not that I am lonely or I miss a ton about New Berlin or Minneapolis because I know there are things I will miss about Spain too. Its just that I feel like I don't fit in either place, like I don't fit anywhere.

I am a drifter, not settling anywhere for too long. For example, I took off freshman year for MN for nine months, headed out to MI for 3 months, to a new apartment in dinky town for 4 months, lived in Toledo, Spain for 4 months, and moved around Europe for 2 more months, and now I am heading back to New Berlin? I haven't been able to establish myself or my life at all.

I once saw all this traveling and moving around as a way to challenge myself, to grow as a person, because I wasn't afraid to step out of my comfort zone. However, this has only resulted in the loss of my comfort zone. Where do I feel comfortable? Nowhere. I don't even fit-in in my own home town. I have out grown it and everyone else has also moved on without me. So here I am in Berlin, for the second week in a row, (I am really sick of this city) and ready to move on, but cant. I am all out of money.It doesn't help either that every time I spend 100€ almost $200 comes out of my account... losing money twice as fast with no way of earning it back.

I am still with my brother but we are both too similar and are kind of in the same funk. He is ready to go home and so am I. Or am I? I think it's not Europe I want to escape, or the US that I yearn for, but rather, quite simply, some stability and order to my life instead of being stuck in this limbo. 5 days and I will be home, another move, for another temporary amount of time.

On the road again...

Hey everyone! Its me again, and from the road this time! I hit up Barcelona Tuesday through Friday (staying with a friend who studied in Toledo with me, and is now doing research in Barca), and I am currently in my hostel in Munich waiting for Jason and Lynn to arrive! These last couple weeks I have learned a lot about myself and I wouldnt exchange the experience for anything in the world (even though it had its great times and its tough times)

The last few weeks I have learned that:
-I am, in no way, to the stage in my life yet where I am ready to surrender myself 100% for love or to a relationship
-I need do be doing something to be happy
-I need to be outside everyday, at least a little, to be happy.
-I don't like being alone
-Often times I am too serious
-Traveling isn't fun unless you have someone to share it with
-Your heart and your head dont always agree
-Find something that makes your truely happy, because money is soon spent and gone. Money won't keep you happy forever.
-I miss the Butchers and my heart yearns to see them.
-I am fat, and I don't like it.
-I miss having a structured life.
-I want a dog.
-I need quality "re-finding shannon time" surrounded by people I love and ppl that have the same values.
-Ready for a quality Milwaukee summer.

With all this free time...

Well, wouldn´t you know it, with all this free time I have, I have been doing a lot of people watching. After careful analysis of the past few weeks, I have come to the conclusion that "Aladin Pants" as I like to call them, have hit the Spanish Fashion market, and hit it hard. I have seen everyone from ladies in their 50s to girls in their teen years wearing them... and I can´t figure out why?