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I have nothing inspiring to report as of late... its all I can do to just keep going. Barely sleeping, always interviewing, always homeworking...

Updates soon to come.

Insights Discovery Profile...

So this week, at our Delta Sigma Pi meeting, we had a professional speaker come talk to us about our personal styles, how we interact with each other, what kind of energy we give off when working in groups. All of the results were based on a personal inventory survey that we took in June. If you want to know/ understand me... here it is in a nut-shell.

Check this out... It's freakishly accurate:

"Shannon is independent and creative, owning strong internal feelings, high principles and deep personal integrity. Low key acknowledgment for her contribution is likely to be appreciated by her. When she gives help to others, she expects to get it reciprocated, particularly as recognition for this help. She will be hurt if people ignore her and likes to be remembered and appreciated for the services she continually seeks to offer to others. She can be a rather gentle, compassionate person but may be prone to stubbornness at times." <-- as if this wasn't eerie enough, wait for what it says next "She tends to be disinterested in subjects for which she sees no practical application. Her work has to contribute to things that matter to her and she tends toward perfectionism only when she cares deeply enough. Because she tends to live for the present moment, she does not sense the need to prepare or plan more than is necessary. She tends to be there when she is needed, offering low-key stability and strength to people and situations in need. Although objective, she may be more interested in finding creative solutions to problems than in seeing those solutions become reality."

"Because she lives by principles and rules, Shannon is very consistent and dependable. Her modest manner can restrain her from pushing herself forward and this occasionally results in her being under-valued."

"Shannon avoids conflict like the plague, is a calming presence in conflict resolution and is keenly aware of group dynamics and involvement."

So what? I now know that my Dad leads with a red energy: this means he is VERY competitive, demanding, determined, focused on results, strong-willed, and purposeful. We are opposites (imagine that) so in order for us to get along, I need to let him direct and decide, focus on results. However, when interacting with me he should speak in a relaxed tone, use logical explanations, take time to ask questions about me etc. This can help so many people learn to appreciate others and the unique energy they can bring to a group!

So overall I lead with a green energy... what do you guys think? Feel free to comment (doesn't matter if you agree or disagree), I would like to hear both sides!



Also, if you're curious about this you can check it out at www.insights.com or just google: "Discovery Insights."

Updated design/ layout

Hi Everyone!! (for anyone that still reads this)

I have updated the look of my blog to reflect the new things that are happening in my life. Right now my life is almost entirely consumed by school, Delta Sigma Pi, and job searching! So my life is all about finding balance and figuring out what I WANT from life! Due to my new single status I have realized that it's time to stop basing my decisions on what other people want and what other people want for me... what Society expects of me.

So get excited about the posts to come... they should be very introspective and revealing of my new journey to discover what my dreams are.

Dream big everyone!

"You got a dream... You gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period."

It's officially over...

Zach decided today that he just needs time for himself... and mentally, logically, I understand. However, my heart and body don't understand. So I forced the issue, and that's it.

We're done.

Before we started going out (again) we decided that this time it was all or nothing. We had too much history and feelings to have it just be maybe. We gave it a shot, and I found out that love sometimes... just isn't enough.

At least now I know that I have a lot of love to give, and I deserve to be happy. I will find someone that wants me, loves me, and will want to stick with me through everything. I and I will give the same in return.

Until that time... it's all about me, baby. Time to find God, good friends, and new adventures. Watch out world, here I come!

I feel sick..

I appologize that this blog is becoming a personal diary... but my friends and roommates are getting sick of hearing about it... and writing about it helps me organize my thoughts... so here it goes.

I have never before been so emotionally distraught that I feel physically sick. I had heard from other people what it was like, but I had no idea to what degree it can consume you. I feel sick. Constantly. The mere thought of food makes me gag... sleep evades me... even the world cup and game &7 can't distract me. Constantly wondering... hopig, while knowing that hoping just makes this time even more toxic... prolongs the pain.

I can't help thinking that its the lack of closure that is killing me the most. Is this "break" just a pussy way of saying we're breaking-up? Is it because there is someone else he would rather be with? What did I do wrong? When did I stop being what he needed and loved and became an obligation, a hassle, just something else to worry about? How can love become so one sided? Unrequitted love is the worst and most painful experience. Scratch that, lost love is the most painful experience. It's worse than the 3 months I spent selling books, crying every Sunday.

Everyone keeps telling me that I will get over it, that I should focus on what I want, what's important to me... but how can I when I was basing that on the one person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with? Everyone says it is better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all... that's bullshit. I never want to feel like this again. Ever. This is what I get for letting myself fall in-love when I know that it often ends in hurt. Never again.

How do you know when to move on?

No relationship is easy... but what about a relationship that has always been long-distance... and has been going on for 3 years (with a 1yr break in the middle)?

What do you do when someone grows to resent the relationship, sees it as a burden, but still claims to love you?

Do you sit around hoping you will have a chance, some day, to spend more time together, work things out, or just make the leap of faith... OR, do you accept it for what it was (a great learning experience, filled with first loves, and great moments) and try to move on?

Is it possible for someone to claim to want to marry you one day, and ask for a "break" the next?

Do people that go on breaks ever get back together... or is that just a prolonging way of saying "we're done"??

How can your heart tell you one thing and your mind tell you something completely opposite? Which one do you listen to?

How do you deal with a broken heart... how do you deal with being dumped for the first time? How do you deal with losing your first and only love?

How can you move on when you were so ready to love and to be loved? How can you grow and move past it without shutting yourself off completely?

How do you try and do daily things like: sleeping, eating, going to work... pretending to be okay when your heart tells you it won't be okay?

How long should you wait before you "get back out there"? What if you don't want to...

All of these what-ifs and the only advice that keeps ringing in my head are little notes my mom sent me when I was selling books:
~"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow"."

AND
~"Keep the promises you make to yourself"

And I intend to do both of those.

Semester is almost done!

Wow, so I know I haven't written in a super long time... it's now already the end of April! Crazy how time flies when you have every second of every day planned out :)

Anyways, I don't have time to write a full post today, but I just wanted to make a quick blurb about my birthday:

-Nice weather = nice Shannon. I love nice weather, and it totally determines my outlook on the day!
-I got to play tennis with Adam... I should look into taking lessons.
-This bday was the best one yet! I got to see almost all of my good friends and even have brunch with my dad.
-Extravagant doesn't always = better. Instead of going out for dinner we went to Preston's for drinks ad appetizers. It was a great way to end a perfect day.
-Bed by 9pm, yes please! I love getting a good night's sleep!

Thanks to everyone who made my birthday weekend perfect. I love all of you and life wouldn't be worth it without you guys! xoxo