Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Back in New Berlin

Hey everyone! I am finally home in New Berlin, WI... woohoo! It's not as exciting as it sounds! I find that the only times I get moody and frustrated are when I am bored, or I don't have anything productive to do (because literally none of my friends are home for the summer this year so I depend on my family for entertainment).

I freaked out on my dad yesterday because I felt isolated, and for some reason I thought that having my texting back would fix that... it didn't. Instead it just made me more angry when ppl didnt text me back! GRRRR.

So instead I decided to go get a gym membership to start working on a little problem I like to call, "Being flabby." After spending 2 hours at the gym I definitely felt a lot better. Though, I am not sure that it will solve my problem forever... I mean honestly, can I spend the whole day at the gym?

So today I am outside working in the yard in 90 degree weather picking weeds and re-doing the s. side planter of the house... hoping to get paid for my labors. Later tonight there is a Brewers game that I am kind of excited for, but mainly I just miss human interaction with my peers. WHERE IS EVERYONE?!

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Just what I needed

Traveling with Jason and Lynn for so long has definitely helped me re-center myself! I am back in Madrid and on my own again and I am loving it!.I not only feel a lot more confident, and out-going again, but I am loving being back in a country where I can speak the language! Who ever would have thought that I would grow to feel so comfortable with Spanish?! Long story short, loving life right now.

Plan for next couple of days:
-See as much of my boy friend as I can before I come home.
-Work out every day so I won´t hate myself as much when Jason and I start trainng together.
-Go to Toledo with Hamid on Tuesday to collect my stuff.
-Fly home on Wednesday!!
-Drive to MN on Thursday to help gparents move and to see all of my friends!
-Get back into the real world (aka get a job!)

Love and miss you all! Thanks for all of the support over the last 6 months! Some if its been hard and you guys have really helped! Tons of LOVE!

Friday, June 12, 2009


I miss feeling like I belong somewhere.

So I've finally pegged it down. Its not that I am lonely or I miss a ton about New Berlin or Minneapolis because I know there are things I will miss about Spain too. Its just that I feel like I don't fit in either place, like I don't fit anywhere.

I am a drifter, not settling anywhere for too long. For example, I took off freshman year for MN for nine months, headed out to MI for 3 months, to a new apartment in dinky town for 4 months, lived in Toledo, Spain for 4 months, and moved around Europe for 2 more months, and now I am heading back to New Berlin? I haven't been able to establish myself or my life at all.

I once saw all this traveling and moving around as a way to challenge myself, to grow as a person, because I wasn't afraid to step out of my comfort zone. However, this has only resulted in the loss of my comfort zone. Where do I feel comfortable? Nowhere. I don't even fit-in in my own home town. I have out grown it and everyone else has also moved on without me. So here I am in Berlin, for the second week in a row, (I am really sick of this city) and ready to move on, but cant. I am all out of money.It doesn't help either that every time I spend 100€ almost $200 comes out of my account... losing money twice as fast with no way of earning it back.

I am still with my brother but we are both too similar and are kind of in the same funk. He is ready to go home and so am I. Or am I? I think it's not Europe I want to escape, or the US that I yearn for, but rather, quite simply, some stability and order to my life instead of being stuck in this limbo. 5 days and I will be home, another move, for another temporary amount of time.