Monday, April 4, 2011

"The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing."

We all make mistakes. Some big, some small; some are deal breakers, but most are forgiven. How do you know how much repenting is required to atone your mistakes?

I have grown up forgiving readily and easily and apologizing quickly... I hate having people mad at me, and I equally dislike being upset with other people. I wear my heart on my sleeve, and will go to all lengths to make amends. For, in my life, having relationships or friendships that are out of balance is one of the worst tortures. I have always been the peace-maker in my family, so maybe that's where my yearning for harmony comes from.

But this is not the case for everyone, and this I have learned first-hand this weekend. I will not get into the details, but while intoxicated, I did some things to upset my boyfriend and my roommates. Though I agree that intoxication is never a valid excuse, I have no recollection of even doing said things. So in an attempt to make amends, I apologized to everyone multiple times, and cleaned the mess that was made. I thought this for sure would ease the tension and restore balance in the house. But I was wrong. I still feel like an outsider in my own house and am ignored by my own roommates. What more can I possibly do? I can't take it back, so all I can do is continue to apologize and promise it won't happen again. Hopefully this will all blow over soon. :(

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it" ~Mark Twain

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